last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A+ Viking dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
