its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
