you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
