I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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