i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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