Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
