i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
