If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
