seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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