Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
