she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
