my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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