So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
