I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
