Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
