the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize