What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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