Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
