Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
