She announced her abortion via fbk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
