i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
