Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize