I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
