no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
