You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
