dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
