I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
