Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
