My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
