The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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