I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
