How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
