We need to rekindle our bromance
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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