I faked an abortion last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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