u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
