he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
