just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
