yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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