Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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