would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
