we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
