I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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