i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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