I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
