Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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