just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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