why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
