dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
