So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
