The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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