Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
barbara walters just said penis...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
