I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
