ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
