i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A bitchslap is in order.
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