he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
