I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want her autograph on my taint
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
