All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
