she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
