We're like a lot better than the average bears
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
