I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
