We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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