I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
