Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
