you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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