She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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