If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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