did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
