Can Purell be used as lube?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
