I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
