Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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