She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I looked at my own cervix.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
