your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
