look no pants
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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