I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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