Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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