i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
