My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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