so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
